Learning To Forgive

Shaykh Mokhtar Maghroui

Learning to Forgive

3/2/14

On the Day of judgement - if the Heart is so diseased, they won’t be able to perceive Divine beauty - and that is a punishment in itself. 

So Tawhid is required of us. Not the tawheed we read about, take a course about, etc. I mean by that tawhid that becomes wijdani in my life, which transforms me as a being internally. The state in which I feel the ever constant presence of Allah in my heart. Ever constant presence of feelings about His attributes and names. That He is Al-Raheem, Al-Haleem, As-Sabur - I feel those. 

• Tawhid is the actual experience of the one-ness of Allah in my heart. 
• When we say in my heart, I mean through His attributes. 
• When His attributes become always present in my heart. 
• When my heart qualities become the divine qualities at my human level in the most beautiful possible way for me. 
• My heart becomes rahim, kareem, ra’uf... 

Allah and His attributes are of 2 categories -

• the attributes of beauty and the attributes of majesty (jalal)
• When we speak of divine beauty, we mean the beauty that is beyond the comprehension of any mind or any created being including angels. 
• When we say beautiful, we mean like the name Al-Rahim, 3afoo, Muhsin, Hakeem
• beauty - generate in us ease, comfort
• Jalal - the attributes that generate awe, majesty. 
• At some level one does feel divine beauty in these. The point is, He is all beauty. 

Back to tawhid

• strive to empty my heart from everything but Allah
• and since ALlah is beautiful, then there will be beauty in my heart.
• tawhid actually is eternal beauty
• my heart is in tawhid, and Allah is one, then my akhlaq will be beautiful. 
• so tawhid leads to beautiful akhlaq
• Akhlaq is my internal image - the way I look internally, spiritually, morally

Allah created us to fulfill khilafa in this earth (inni jaa’ilun fil ardi khaleefa)

• A khalifa is one who is chosen by someone else to represent him
• A human being is going to be a khalifa of Allah.. Allahu akbar, do you feel it? 
• And God is All Beautiful
• When the human heart becomes beautiful, the best level of beauty you can achieve, then you are a khalifa of Allah. 
• every time I have ugliness inside of me and actualize it outside of me, I am not a khalifa of Allah. 
• So my heart must be beautiful for me to be a khalifa of Allah.
• The best representation - Prophet Muhammad (S) (ayah - Verily you are of the best of Manners. innahu 3la khuluqin 3atheem) 
• M(S) explains his mission - innanee bu3ithtu - I have only been sent to complete the purpose to make the human heart beautiful and therefore the human conduct beautiful. 

One of those akhlaq is to forgive

• arabic ghafara - literally means to cover up something
• ghaffaar and ghafoor are hyperboles 
• ghaafir - one who forgives
• ghaffaar - forgives constantly
• Allah is Al-Ghafoor: Allah covers our faults for us and doesn’t expose them to others, and doesn’t expose us on the day of judgement. and if He forgives us, He doesn’t permit the harmful consequences of sins to happen to you in the dunya and hereafter. Won’t manfiest themselves in our lives 
• root of ghafara - mighfar: the instrument that is used to cover. 
• Safaha - in arabic a side of the face, a page- you turn your cheek away from their faults, you make it like you did not see them.
• When I die and am held to account will my sins still be in my records? or will you erase them? so when I meet you I will not know that I have sins. So I can meet you and not remember that I sinned against you. Is there such a thing? Yes there is. And that’s the merciful love of Allah - that for some servants, their sins will be removed completely. Allah did not expose you, not because you were smart or hid it well, but because you asked for forgiveness. They go to Jannah without hisab - without ever being reminded of what they did wrong. 
• Because we are to be the khulafaa’ of Allah on this earth, we need to embellish our hearts with the attributes of Allah. Make them a part of our lives. 
• Tawhid is the active affirmation of the attributes of Allah, to internalize them in my heart, and strive to actualize them in my life. 
• strive to learn the divine attribute of forgiveness and teach it to our children.
• I should be an expression of His Rahmeh and Forgiveness to the world

We must have moments of khalwa alone, quality time alone

• even if it was for 15 minutes every 2 days, to look inside me and assess what I am internally and begin to listen and learn about the moods inside of me. 
• By that you will learn to discover what we are and learn to change in the proper way. 
• If I never spend time to listen to myself, I will never assess 
• why do we require that a student pay attention, because if they don’t they will not learn well
• learn to say to yourself pay attention, listen, disengage, disconnect, to be able to listen inside of you and discover the deficiencies inside yourself.
• You will realize that to forgive is a challenge, for myself and for you.
• the conditions in which one finds himself either make it easy or difficult to forgive
• your state - economic, financial, emotional, physical - these can make it easy or difficult to forgive

Forgiveness is a challenge for the nafs. 

• Striving for virtue
• We must and need to do this because it is the essence of being a khalifa of Allah
• and I want to be a khalifa, He created me for that, He assigned that honorable task for me
• I want my heart to be beautiful
• I want to be endowed with divine beauty
• Speaking the truth is a challenge, some of us like to talk a lot but we have to strive to control that. it’s not easy.
• some have different challenges, some find challenges easier than other, another might find it hard. 
• salat on time is a challenge. we haven’t experienced the delight of salat, we don’t know what we missed. 
• some challenge to be chartible, give zakat, sadaqa
• and similarly to forgive is another challenge

Allah has instructed us to help us develop a beautiful characteristic that He loves for us.

• knowledge - information empowers. Allah empowers us with knowledge.
• qul altheena amaanu yaghfiru
• the fact that Allah addressed the believers
• so if I can’t forgive, it means my eman is shaky, stale
• if I listen to this ayah in my heart. O Allah open the channels in my heart to your Word. 
• Allah encourages us to forgive if we have eman. If i can’t then I should assess my eman.
• As to the one who patiently perseveres and forgives that is indeed
• a person in the face of challenges and pain and hurt injustice - responds with patience sabr and forgives , that’s the sign of a person with (3azm) strong character.
• Allah calls the most elect of rusul - ulul 3azmi - messengers with resolve
• sabr and maghfira is a characteristic of one with 3azm.
• the weak of us are ones who do not forgive, who do not patiently persevere
• Saa3iru ila maghfiratan min rabbikum, ... yanfiquna... wal qathimeen al ghayth... 
• Compete and rush for forgiveness from your Lord and a paradise the width of which are the heaven and earth, prepared for those who have taqwa (constant state of consiousness of Allah, keeping away from things that Allah dislikes). 
• Muttaqeen - a gift from Allah. 1. they spend freely in prosperity or adversity. easy and difficult circumstances. they give whatever they can, each one to their level. they won’t withhold in hard times. even half a date. For a poor person, a quarter will be like giving a quarter million. it liberates our nafs from the attachments we have to other than Allah that hold us and restrain us from being with Allah in our hearts. 2. and those who restrain their anger. thats where forgiveness begins, restraining your anger. Allah did not ask us not to get anger - but control anger. they do not allow the immediate harsh flame-like burning consequences of anger to be in their life. can you imagine a fire is burning and you want to stop it with your bare hands. its hard. that’s why Allah taught us ways to stop the fire from starting, stopping the anger.
• 3. wal 3afeena min a l naas. they pardon. they don’t stop to punish, keep going as if nothing happened. instead of addressing the issue, just pass it. because sometimes addressing the issue makes it worse. friends, spouses in disputes. 
• And Allah has love for those who are magnanimous. does good when they don’t have to. 
• This is a muhsin - does things always in the most beautiful possible way. 

Story of Al-Hasan al Basri. 

• was a man of great reverence, when you see him you remember Allah
• was nursed by Umm Salama, grew up in the Prophet’s house - and this gave him wisdom
• He had a maid, brought him water, and it broke and spilled water. he held up his hand
• she said (she was a faqeeha)- walqathimeen al ghayth, then he said
• she said - wal3afeena 3an al naas, he said
• la ilaha illa Allah - how he responded. look at how we respond in the little things!

Ayah surat al noor story of Aishah

• revealed when some people spread rumors about Aishah
• ‘Don’t you love that Allah will forgive you?’ 
• Don’t we want Allah to forgive us? Is there anyone here who doesn’t want Allah to forgive them?
• Is there anyone here who has never made a sin?
• Do you want Allah to expose you in the dunya and the akhirah? 
• Doesn’t Allah have power over you? 
• why is it when we have power over someone we don’t treat them right?
• Allah has power over us yet he always forgives me.
• If we deal with our children and family in the wrong way, we will get the same treatment in the day of judgement. 
• kun kayfa ma shi’t - be the way you want to be. If you don’t forgive, don’t expect to be forgiven. 
• Allah treats us with forgiveness, not justice. 
• The person who forgives for the sake of Allah will always be right.
• We have to leave a buffer zone of Rahmah, forgiveness.
• Inna Allah bil 3adli wal ihsan. - justice and ihsan. 
• in our relationships, we always talk about justice. we should be focused on justice, but rather Rahmeh and forgiveness. 
• Especially if you have power over someone something. You should say, O Allah you have given me these blessings, I will forgive them, so You will forgive me.
• Ask Allah to embellish your heart with the virtue of forgiveness
• Show merciful love to those on earth, the One in the heavens will show merciful love to you. (yarhamakum man fil samaa’)
• But He has rahmah love for everything and everyone. 
• He does not hubb love to some categories of people. 
• rahmah love for plants, animals. and teach children that rahmah love be shown to all the creations. I have seen terrible things done to plants and animals by young Muslim children and the parents feel no remorse. 
• yarhamakum man fi samaa’ - he used attribute of Al-Rahman, not aziz, malik, qahhar. Allah controls everything with Rahmah. 
• repent is wise
• and to forgve is divine
• Allah did not create us as perfect, that would be angels. He created us with the potential to make mistakes and to be angelic. 
• How can His attribute of maghfira be used if we didn’t make mistakes
• He created you to forgive you, because He is Ghaffaar, as long as you repent, and even for some without repentance, because He forgives as He pleases.
• Allah does not forgive shikr, but does forgive anything less that that to anyone He pleases
• Shouldn’t we be grateful and forgive. 
• We are projectors of Allah’s attributes in our lives. Allahumma ij3alna minhum.
• we need to forgive to preserve our commitment to justice. this is a buffer zone to protect the essential requirements of justice
• if I don’t choose to use forgiveness, our sense of justice will erode.

The life of the P(S) is a very rich life in all the aspects of the divine attributes. he  is the most beautiful heart to represent divine beauty. Examples of the actualization of Rahmah

• hadith. O Rasulullah how often should I forgive a servant? didn’t answer. asks again. he doesn’t answer. asks 3rd time. ‘Forgive him everyday 70 times.’ 70 times in the arabic language, it means a lot, means always forgive him. just pass it. no reprimand even. ‘you are 3abd of Allah - how many times did you violate Allah? and how many times did Allah forgive you? Can’t count that - We don’t even know how many times.
• when r(S) finally entered Makkah. before that they were oppressive, unjust, etc. when he entered, he entered lowering his head in humility, not as a conqueror. despite what they did to him. he didn’t give a fatwa - kill them all. so that they don’t feel that he conquered them. he said ‘go you are free’. because this was not a personal thing - he had the ummah in his mind. 
• a man came to  prophet and said ‘ya Muhammad give me the gold’ p(s) said give him. even though he called him by name, insulting. then p asked him did I do good for you? he said no. the sahaba were hurt and were about to say something to him. p(S) told them leave him. then he goes to his house and tells him to come and eat in his house.  Wouldn’t you dream to be inside his house. After all the man did, p calls him into his house. then he gave him whatever was in his house. then he asks him ‘hal ahsantu ilayk’ he says yes, jazak Allahu khair with good family and tribesmen. then go out to my sahaba and say the same thing you said to me to them. because what you said before make rancor in them, to remove it. so he goes and says same thing. the p(S) tells him (see the hikmah) - the parable of myself and this man, is the parable of a camel and the man. camel ran away from owner - and everyone wants to catch her to bring her back to owner. it only made it worse and it kept running away. then owner said leave her alone, I know her better than you. he gets some food, she sees it and comes closer. then she eats and he gets her. 
• If I had left the man to you (sahaba), you would have killed him (from your anger for me), then he would have entered hell. 
• So he treated him in a good way to bring him back to eman and proper adab to be saved from jahannam. by forgiving, by being merciful, be being loving to someone who was wrong. 

Story of Abu musa al ash3ari (related by bayhaqi)

• was governor. there was a man who was famous mujahid fi sabeel Allah. outspoken, strong personality. was good to the people.
• in one of the expeditions. abu musa felt that he should punish him by flogging him and shaved hair. took hair to madina. and threw it at sayyidina umar (RA)
• umar (RA) says what happened. tells him story. umar wrote letter and gave it to man to give to abu musa. umar wouldn’t forgive governor, people asked him
• letter said - salam, a man says you did... if what he said is true. if you flogged him in public, you shall be flogged by him in public. 
• to err is human, to repent is wise.
• as a governor, he goes in public, shows the letter, sits, and says flog me. what a character is this. what qalb is this? this is a qalb that sees Allah, sees akhirah. not a qalb that sees dunya only, does not see people. when he sits, he looks at heavens, Allahumma ish-had witness I have forgiven him for Your sake. 
• forgivness, even to this extent. 
• doesn’t mean a beautiful person doesn’t make mistakes. but see the way they respond to the mistakes, that’s what makes them khulafaa’. 

To forgive is to add something divine to our lives

• It is so difficult, but that makes the reward greater

1. know about the virtues of forgiving
2. and know the harm, disadvantages, and hurt of not forgiving
1. rancor inside of you. you suffer from that. it takes so much of our hearts and internal energy, that we will be unable to do other things.
2. when you forgive, that energy is released.
3. Allah wants us to be free.
4. no pain, no gain. the pain of going against that drive is not easy. but go through that and you will gain. once you go beyond that you will feel alhamdulillah that i forgave. 
5. anger takes us space, and letting go out it frees. 
3. the desire to change.
1. to know is not enough, I need to desire to change.
2. the khilafa of Allah. jannah, divine company., liberty, 

4. i need to accuse my nafs  

1. not to be a defender of my nafs (wa ma ubarri’u nafsi - yusuf)
2. i do not declare myself as innocent.
3. the successful one is the one who turns against his nafs. because the nafs is a lower state than the heart. 
4. the world encourages us to be inflated in the nafs. divine and nafs don’t go together. freedom of the nafs can never grant you freedom of the heart. can never get you to the divine dimension.
1. then I have to turn to Allah in dua and prayer to ask Allah to help me change. 
1. no one can get to Allah without the tawfiq of Alah. We have to hold that rope of du’a that Allah gave me. 
2. achknowledge you don’t have it, know why you should have it, accuse your nafs, ask ALlah to give it to you.
2. an arrogant person finds it very difficult to forgive. if i don’t forgive, then I am a sort of oppressive. an ignorant person who doesn’t know the virtues of forgiveness, will not forgive either because they don’t know what they miss. so if i don’t forgive, that is an indicator that i don’t know. a nafs that has reached serenity, is a nafs that can forgive. so i have to work to make sure my nafs is elevated to itamu’naan. thikr. ala bithikrillahi tatma’in al qulub. if i have a regular daily thikr of Allah, that will cleanse our hearts and bring them to serenity. when you are serene you will be able to forgive. 

to help us with the process. when someone else does something that angers me, If i realize the people who hurt me actually did good to me. What they did, imagine, elevated me spirituality. 

Ibrahim ibn adham - scholar. soldier coming on horse. he asks him the way to al 3imran (next town). ibrahim in his haal, pointed to cemetary. soldier says - are you making fun of me and hit him. he started bleeding. the man came to say sorry. ibrahim said that’s ok.

‘when he was beating me, i was praying for him, leading me to need patience, so that I could get reward for patience.’ so this man was a gift from Allah to me to reward me.

He made hurt run at their hands. because Allah wills to make you restless with everything so that nothing distracts you from Him. Pain comes to us from others, including nafs, so that Allah teaches us to detach from everything else, so that nothing else distracts us from Allah. 

If things happen to us, this is dunya, pain will happen, injustice, but the hikma is that you start to detach. and your heart will be free for Allah. by subjecting you to the reality of life. 

O Allah make us from alhal rahmah. don’t leave us to ourselves even for a blink of an eye. cleanse our hearts for you . let our heart free from everything but You. grant us nobility of righteousness. help us be sufficed by You. and let our happiness be the day we meet you. forgive me for anything from my nafs, shaytan, or myself.