Review: Steps to Khushoo' in Salat

Thursday Halaqa Notes

2/14/13

MCA Santa Clara, CA

Sr. Dana Jarrar

Steps to Khushoo’ In Salat, review

“Allah gives worldly things to the ones he loves and the ones he doesn’t love, but he gives the religion to those he loves.”

1. Being conscious that Allah is with us during Salat

• How can we bring back the rooh, spirit, to our Salat?
• Last week we talked about the secret key to khushoo’, concentration, in Salat: that when you stand to pray you have that strong feeling that:

1. you are talking to Allah
2. that Allah is listening to you
3. and that Allah will answer your du’a

2. Putting a Niyya for everything you do in your day increases khushoo’ in Salat

• But how can we reach that feeling and awareness of Allah in our prayers? We need to remember Allah throughout the day. The more we think about Allah outside of our prayers, the more we will think about Him inside our prayers. 
• We are all busy and the people with khushoo’ are busy too. The trick is in changing the way you look at things. When you tie everything in your life to Allah, each thing you do in your day will bring you closer to Allah, which in turn will increase your khushoo’.
• For example, let’s take a normal thing we do everyday - cooking. If you go into the kitchen and make an intention ‘I am doing a sadaqa, charity, for my family’ and you cook the meal. Then you hear the adhan and you pray. How do you think your khushoo’ will be in that prayer? 
• Another example is when we go shopping. If you went shopping and bought what you wanted, this should increase your khushoo’, because Allah hasn’t deprived you of anything. 
• So khushoo’ is not just about putting effort in your prayers, it is also putting an effort before your prayers.

3. A part of developing Khushoo’ is to increase your love of Allah.

• We talked about the high khushoo’ of the Sahaba (radia Allahu 3anhum) in their Salat. How did they reach this? By having a high love of Allah. 
• We can increase our love of Allah too by getting to know Him through his names and attributes, Asmaa wal Sifaat. And we can teach these to our children to develop their love for Allah. 
• Usually we love Allah depending on how much He gave us today. Today Allah gave me something so I love Him. Tomorrow my husband got laid off and we say why Allah did you do this to me? 
• But there is a wisdom behind each thing we get or don’t get, but we don’t know what is the wisdom. We have to thank Allah for everything He gave us, even the tests. 
• We should say ‘Allah you are Kareem, generous, even if you didn’t give me, you gave others.’ The Sahaba had the love of Allah + the fear of Allah.

4. Understanding the Qur'an increases Khushoo'

• These days, we only open the Qur’an in Ramadan, competing with each other to finish reading it. Yes we are busy. But Allah gave us 24 hours in the day, we should give some of that time back, as zakat. 
• Find 15 minutes in your day and give this time to Allah by reading Qur’an. If we read it in a rush just to get it done, we get the reward of reading, but we don’t benefit from what we’ve read. We did not have khushoo’ in our reading. 
• Sayyidina Umar took 8 years to memorize Surat Al Baqara! Because he wouldn’t go to the next ayah until he had memorized it and applied it to his life. 
• So in these 15 minutes that you put for reading Qur’an focus on how much you can understand of what you read, not how much you read. 

5. Learning the Tafseer of Surat Al Fatiha

• Surat Al Fatiha is the surah we read in every rak’ah of our Salat, so if we learn the tafseer we would increase our khushoo’ in Salat, since we would be understanding what we are saying. 

 

Khushu' in Salat part 1

Thursday Halaqa Notes

1-10-13

MCA Santa Clara, CA

Sr. Dana Jarrar

Khushoo' in Salat

Has prayer just become a matter of being able to check it off our checklist? Is it a takleef (hardship) or a tashreef (honor)? Is our prayer keeping us away from the fahshaa' and munkar (sins)? Something is missing from our prayers... it is khushoo3- concentration in prayer. Khushoo3 is like when someone is watching TV and doesn’t hear when someone is talking to them - that person is in a state of deep concentration where nothing around them can distract them. If we could reach that level in our salat, we could enjoy the prayer and look forward to each prayer. We could feel the sweetness of it. As Prophet Mohammed (SAW) used to say to Bilal "Arihna biha ya Bilal" Meaning: “Give us rest with it and make the call to prayer oh Bilal".

It’s all in how you look at it. Look at it like you are going to accept a gift from Allah. In this way, when you pray, you feel like you are actually seeing Him. We can't stay in the struggling state forever. We want to get to this higher relaxing, enjoyable, and easy state. But how can we reach this state of khushoo3? Let’s look at our role models the Prophet Muhammad (salla Allahu 3laihi wassalam) and the Sahaba (radiaAllahu 3lanhum) and what they used to do. 

The Prophet (salla Allahu 3laihi wassalam) when he wanted to relax he would pray. He would spend his free time with Allah. He would pray at night until his feet were swollen and cracked. It was said, “Why do you so this when Allah has forgiven your past and future sins?” He said, “Shall I not be a grateful servant?”

عَنْ الْمُغِيرَةِ بْنِ شُعْبَةَ أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ صَلَّى حَتَّى انْتَفَخَتْ قَدَمَاهُ فَقِيلَ لَهُ أَتَكَلَّفُ هَذَا وَقَدْ غَفَرَ اللَّهُ لَكَ مَا تَقَدَّمَ مِنْ ذَنْبِكَ وَمَا تَأَخَّرَ فَقَالَ أَفَلَا أَكُونُ عَبْدًا شَكُورًا

Abdullah Ibn Az-Zubair (radia Allahu 3anhu) would make rukoo3 and sujood for such long periods that birds stood on his back.

1. Connect each act of the wudu and prayer to an inspiring story of the seerah/sahaba or event on the day of judgement. The sahaba used to connect everything in their life to the aakhirah. For example, when you hear the adhan think of the trumpet being blown on the day of judgement. Ali ibn Abi Talid (radia Allahu 3anhu) after he made wudu his face would become pale, because he realized the gravity of what he is about to perform, which is to stand in front of The Creator of the Heavens and the earth, and start a conversation with Him. If you open the water to make wudu and the water is cold, think of the zamhareer of jahannam - the extreme cold place in hell, and make du’a for Allah to protect us from that place. 
2. Think how blessed you are to be able to pray, make ruku3 and sujud etc. There was a woman she would make sujud al shukr after each prayer just to thank Allah for giving her the ability to pray. Being thankful and grateful to Allah helps to purify your heart, which will grow your khushoo3. When you cook, think how blessed you are to have a gas stove, to have rice and meat to cook.
3. When you recite the ayahs, try to connect it to the story in the tafseer. Try to say each word while focusing on the meaning of it or the significance of it. Choose ayahs that inspire you. Memorize new ayahs and learn their tafseer.

In these ways, you can trigger a certain high state of concentration where you get lost in it and don't notice anything going on around you. 

Another thing that affects khushoo3 is the worries in your heart. In the book Mukhtasar Minhaj Al-Qasideen (Towards the heareafter) by Ibn Qudama Al-Maqsidi, he explains that we first need to Farrigh Al Qalb -  remove the worries and diseases of the heart. If you want to have a cup of juice, but there is water in the cup, you need to empty the cup before you pour the juice. If you want to put Allah in your heart, you have to empty your heart first. If your shirt has a stain, it won’t help to put perfume on it, you need to get the stain out. If you want to feel the sweetness of eman in your heart, you first have to remove the stains of worries. 

The dunya is Darul Hamm - the house of worries, tests, and problems. But we always see that in the end it brought something good, it was khair. We need to depend on Allah and have tawakkul that Allah will give you better than what you want. Do your best but don’t worry about the results, leave it to Allah. It is something that takes effort. Every year you take a step and develop more and more khushoo3 and sweetness. 

We need to work to remove the diseases in our heart. The hasad (envy), the kathib (lies, we actually lie a lot and we don’t realize it), the takabbur (arrogance - we say oh how could she talk to me like that, and with our children and husband), the 3ujb (pride), and others. We need to instead make ourselves busy with the aakhirah (hereafter). Our desires are blinding us from the aakhirah.

In Jordan it was snowing and everyone is just thinking about what foods to eat and enjoy. Why can’t we remember that al-shitaa’ huwa rabee' ul mu'min - winter is the spring of the mum’in because we will have more time to spend with Allah. Why don’t we think of praying qiyaam with the snow all around us - making special memories in our hearts? 

The second step that Al-Maqsidi mentioned, after purifying the heart, is to work on your brain - to try to understand what you are saying in Salat. To slow down our salat to give a chance for our brain to realize what we are saying. Are we just memorizing Qur’an but not understanding the meaning? 

Allah has given us 24 hours in the day. The 5 prayers do not even take 1 hour of your day. If you discipline yourself in these Allah will open doors for you and give you so much. It’s not the number of rak3ahs you pray, it’s about how much khushoo3 you had in those rak3ahs, and that will determine the amount of reward you got for that prayer. 

Here are some tips for khushoo': 

1. Turn TV off
2. Turn phone and cell phone ringer off
3. remove zakhaarif - designs around you like in the carpet that could distract you. Use a plain prayer rug.
4. Pray close to a wall so that you don’t get distracted by people walking around and no one can walk in front of you.
5. If you worry about the time while you pray, make sure to look at the time before you start prayer
6. Wear clothes that won’t need adjusting during prayer, make sure your hijab is secure and won’t fall in sujud.
7. Remember that shaytan is trying to steal from your prayer to lessen your ajr (reward). He tries to trick you and even could make you think you need to go to the bathroom. Try your best to recognize the shaytan’s tricks and ignore them.
8. Always keep your eyes on the point of sujud. 
9. If you have a worry in your heart about something, take it out temporarily to be able to concentrate in your prayer - press the pause button.
10. Remember that Allah is watching you, you are in His hands, and He is listening to you - so don’t let your head, sight, hearing, heart, or brain move or get busy away from Allah. This is a big disrespect to Allah! This is like an important interview. Moving your eyes, moving your head, moving your body is not respectful. And thinking of other matters in this time is also not respectful. Like if your husband takes you to a restaurant and the whole time he is on the phone talking to someone else. We need to realize this is a very serious issue.
11. Do not overeat before prayer. You will feel tired and lazy so your brain won’t be able to concentrate well.
12. Say autho billahi min al shaytan al rajeem a lot before prayer.
13. When dunya comes into your prayer say AstaghfiAllah and quiet your heart and mind. 

May Allah teach us how to have khushoo3 and reach the state of sweetness in Salat.

Asmaaul Allah Al Husna - Al Jaami3 

by Sr. Majida, jazaki Allahu khair.

Al Jaami3, from the word jam3, means to gather, assemble, and combine. 

The Day of Gathering is the Day of Judgment, Yawmul Jam3. On that day, Allah will gather:

1. The early generations of His creation and the last ones
2. The jinns and mankind
3. All the residents of the heavens and the earth
4. Every servant of Allah and his deeds
5. Every oppressor and those whom he oppressed
6. Every prophet and those to whom he was sent
7. And combine between rewards of those who obeyed Him and the penalty of those who disobeyed Him.

It also means that Allah has gathered in Him all experiences - khibraat. When a human gathers employees for a company, they may each have skills but they may not work well together. But Allah has gathered everything in a perfect way. Allah has gathered the skies and the earth - mutabayyinaat. Allah has brought together the day and the night, the dark and the light - mutabayyinaat. Allah has also gathered everything in perfect harmony, the humans, animals, earth, skies all work together - tanseek.

The name Al-Jaami3 is mentioned several times in the Qu’ran.

In Surat Al-Anfal (8:62, 63) Allah says that he brought the believer’s hearts together.

But if they intend to deceive you - then sufficient for you is Allah. It is He who supported you with His help and with the believers. And brought together their hearts. If you had spent all that is in the earth, you could not have brought their hearts together; but Allah brought them together. Indeed, He is Exalted in Might and Wise.

Also in Surat Saba’ (34:26)

Say, "Our Lord will bring us together; then He will judge between us in truth. And He is the Knowing Judge."

And in Surat Al-Kahf (18:99)

And We will leave them that day surging over each other, and [then] the Horn will be blown, and We will assemble them in [one] assembly.

And in Surat Al-An3am (6:12)

Say, "To whom belongs whatever is in the heavens and earth?" Say, "To Allah ." He has decreed upon Himself mercy. He will surely assemble you for the Day of Resurrection, about which there is no doubt. Those who will lose themselves [that Day] do not believe.

How to apply this name in your life:

Every time you are in a gathering, you can think of this name, Al-Jaami3 - that Allah gathered you together. If someone came and visited you or you visited someone, remember that it is Allah that gathered you. 

Khushu' in Salat part 2

Thursday Halaqa Notes

1-24-13

Sr. Dana Jarrar

MCA Santa Clara, CA

Khushu’ in Salat, part 2

• When anyone asks us how we are - we say we are busy. But is there anyone that is not busy? 
• Shaytan likes to steal from our prayers. How? By whispering things to us. Each person is different. If shaytan steals from your prayers, then you are rich! Rich with good things. If he doesn’t, then you are poor- shaytan won’t bother with you, you are lost already. 
• It’s a like bank without a guard. Our problem is we don’t put a guard on our prayers. When we stand to pray and we say Allahu Akbar, suddenly everything in the dunya comes rushing to you even the things you didn’t think about before or after salat. 
• We need to guard our prayers and not let shaytan come in. 
• There were two brothers, sahaba. The muhajir was sleeping, and the ansari was walking guarding, then he started praying. While he was praying he got hit with an arrow and started bleeding. He took it out and thew it. This happened 3 times. Then the muhajir woke up and told the Ansari ‘Why didn’t you wake me up?’ He said he was reading a surah that he didn’t want to stop in the middle of. Look at this high level. He was in such a deep khushu’.
• You have to know your priorities. If you put your kids to finish all your obligations and put kids to bed, then you pray, you will find a khushu’ in salat because you did all your obligations to your kids and husband.

What are the keys to your feelings?

• Salat starts at Athan - If you hear it but didn’t feel anything - you have to work on it with yourself. 
• The sahaba used to force crying until it became real crying. 
• Say to yourself: ‘I am present, I am concentrating, I understand what i’m saying, I like what i’m saying’. 
• The fruit of this effort is a tear that comes out of your eye. 
• Like when you are saying goodbye to your parents, you can’t help but cry. Here you felt a khushu’ of the situation. This understanding (that it might be the last time you see them) leads to feelings. 
• Feelings don’t come by themselves. So think about what are the keys to your feelings? 
• Is it attending a halaqa, listening to a lecture, reading Qur’an? 
• People as they age, they have more experiences, if you tie it to Allah, the relationship increases. 
• You don’t want to limit your relationship with Allah to just in Salat and Sawm. 

Gaining knowledge increases khushu’

• Your soul, Ruh, is a garden, you have to plant seeds in it -from eyes, ears, what you say with your mouth, what you’re doing with your hands, reading, watching, talking, writing - to grow the khushu’.  
• One seed to plant is learning tafseer. Tafseer Surat Al Fatiha is very important to know because you say it in every rak’ah. The person who knows tafseer Surat Al Fatiha prays differently than one who doesn’t.
• Another seed is to tie every act in the salat to something that will open your feelings. Let’s start with the first part of salat - the athaan.

Tie the Athan to the blowing of the trumpet on the Day of Judgement

• When you hear the athan you can think of- athan yawmul qiyamah -al nidaa - the calling of all the people on the Day of Judgement. 
• Like when a small child hears the beginning of the athan sometimes they start to cry. We will be like those small children on the Day of Judgement. Remember that the race started. 
• The Prophet (Salla Allahu ‘alaihi wassalam) said when you hear athan you have to repeat after it. Repeating after the athan gives you tawadu’ and adab with Allah, increases khushu’. 
• How to repeat after the athan: repeat each line exactly the same. but at hayya ‘ala salat hayya ‘ala falah- you say la hawla wa la quwatta illa billah. The falah, success, is from the salat. 
• Going to pray needs strength and falah, success, and these are from Allah. These are blessings from Allah. 
• Your great ideas, your creativity is from Allah. Look for these skills, and try to do them, or at least just think about doing it. 
• Did you ever hear anyone ever say i’m not busy anymore? Are we busier than the sahaba? Don’t wait. Put goals. For example I want to pray with khushu’ to the point where tears come to my eyes. 
• I am busy but I steal from my time to teach my children. It doesn’t take a lot of time. 
• In the athaan there is Allahu Akbar Allah Akbar - God is the Greatest- we can remember here that whatever we are doing, Allah is bigger than that. We can leave it and go for prayer. because - La Ilaha illa Allah, there is no God but Allah.
• After the athan, we do salawat ‘ala Nabi, and du’a after the athan. 

Dua After Athan:

"اللَّهُمَّ رَبَّ هَذِهِ الدَّعْوَةِ التَّامَّةِ، وَالصَّلَاةِ الْقَائِمَةِ، آتِ مُحَمَّداً الْوَسِيلَةَ وَالْفَضِيلَةَ، وَابْعَثْهُ مَقَاماً مَحْمُوداً الَّذِي وَعَدْتَهُ، [إَنَّكَ لَا تُخْلِفُ الْمِيعَادَ].

O Allah , Lord of this perfect call and established prayer. Grant Muhammad the intercession and favor, and raise him to the honored station You have promised him, verily You do not neglect promises.

Bukhari

• The time between the athan and the iqamah is a special time for dua. Anas (RA) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (Salla Allahu ‘alaihi wassalam) said: 'A supplication made between the Adhan and Iqama is not rejected.' 

Wudu

• Now if you don’t have wudu, you need to make wudu.
• Our eyes, our ears, our feet, etc - the sins are putting up a shield between you and the khushu’. 
• When we make wudu, our sins get cleaned and we remove these barriers over your heart, hawajiz. 
• Wudu gives nur, light on the day of judgement. If you already have wudu, the Prophet (Salla Allahu ‘alaihi wassalam) said - nurun ‘ala nur, light upon light. Some people like to increase the area of the wudu because it gives you more nur in yawmul qiyama. 
• Wudu cleans you physically and cleans you spiritually. 
• Try to think of your sins while you make wudu, do a review, so you can clean your heart as well as your body. See the story of Bilal (RadiAllahu ‘anhu) - the Prophet (Salla Allahu ‘alaihi wassalam) had a dream that Bilal was racing him to the jannah - So he asked him ‘What do you do Bilal?’ He said he prays 2 rak’ah after each wudu.
• Then we say the dua after wudu - shahada & dua: 

اللَّهُمَّ اجْعَلْنِي مِنَ التَّوَّابِينَ وَاجْعَلْنِي مِنَ الْمُتَطَهِّرِينَ

Allahummaj 'alni minat-tawwabina waj'alni minal-mutatahhirin.

O Allah, make me among those who turn to You in repentance, and make me among those who are purified.

Getting ready for Salat

• Then get ready to pray. Allah loves most the prayer in it’s time. Get closer to Allah with the faraid, the obligations.
• Allah loves the prayer in it’s time more than you sitting with your children, etc. 
• Is Allah the # 1 priority in your life? 
• Now cover our ‘awrah - physically & in your heart. Put everything aside temporarily for 10 min, and put the pretty heart in place of the dirty heart.
• Wear your prayer clothes, and as you put them on, remember you have to cover ‘awrah in your heart too. 
• Now have to stand toward qibla. Remember your heart also has to stand toward qibla - need to position our heart. 
• When you say Allahu Akbar - remind yourself that Allah is greater than everything else. 
• We have to keep repeating this in Salat, because Allah knows how much the shaytan and your nafs is going to try to distract you. 
• Your Salat is like the foundation of your house - don’t let anything try to break this foundation. If someone wrote on the walls it’s ok that can be fixed, but the foundation can’t. 
• Then say du’a al istiftaah. There are several, print them all out. Put the paper in front of you in the sunnah prayers until you memorize it. Then use one of these in your fard Salat. 
• This is a talk between you and Allah, a relationship, and you are cleaning yourself to come out a stronger person. That’s why the Shaykh lengthens the first rak’ah, because there is a du’a. 
• There are several, but only use one. You can change which one each time to help yourself stay present in your prayer. 
• Asking Allah to baa’id bayni wa bayna khataya - put my sins far from me. So that when you start Surat Al Fatiha your heart will be ready.
• You see so many ads on TV for cleaning products and machines. Well, Allah gave us the best cleaner, for free - the 5 daily prayers. That’s why when you do qiyam at night you feel more khushu’ -because the heart is clean and ready after 5 prayers passed already. tat-heer al qalb - cleaning of the heart.
• Hadith - If a person had a river in front of their house and they washed in this river 5 times a day, would any smell come from him? The salat is the same. Salat is Nur, light. Salat is Shifaa, a cure.
• Don’t say ‘I want khushu’ I want khushu’. Just do it. Have khushu’ by thinking about what you’re saying. 

• Question: If you are praying with your kids and husband and have a hard time keeping your khushu3: say to yourself ‘thank you Allah for giving me this husband and these children, thanks for giving me a husband who prays.’ Don’t let shaytan fool you. Use this to be a role model for the children. And you are showing kids the love of praying jamaa3a. Teach them the prayer little by little.

Ibn Al-Qayyim has mentioned 5 levels of prayer:

The First: The level of the one who is negligent. His wudu is not correct, doesn’t pray on time, and his Salat is not correct - did not do all the arkan, pillars of Salat. 

The Second: Everything is done correctly but without khushu3, concentration. His wudu is correct, he prays on time, and his Salat is correct. However, his effort in doing these is wasted because of the whisperings in his prayer so he is taken away by thoughts and ideas.

The Third: Everything is done correctly, and he tries to have khushu3. He is busy struggling against his enemy (shaytaan) so that he does not steal from the prayer. On account of this he is engaged in prayer and jihaad.

The Fourth: Everything is done correctly, and he has complete khushu3 the whole time and nothing is wasted from the prayer. His whole concern is directed towards completing and perfecting the Salat, as it should be. His heart is immersed in the prayer and in enslavement to his Lord, the Exalted.

The Fifth: Does everything like the one above, but on top of this, he has taken and placed his heart in front of Allah, looking towards Him with love, as if he sees Allah. The whisperings, thoughts and ideas have vanished and the coverings which are between him and his Lord are raised. What is between this person and others with respect to the prayer, is superior and greater than what is between the heavens and the earth. This person is busy with his Lord, the Mighty and Majestic, delighted with Him.

The first type will be punished, the second type will be held to account, the third will have his sins and shortcomings expiated, the fourth will be rewarded and the fifth will be close to his Lord, because he will receive the portion of one who makes his prayer the delight and pleasure of his eye. 

• After the Salat, we say astaghfirAllah 3 times because our heart sometimes turns away from Allah during the Salat. 
• And then we should pray sunnah to make up for the shortcomings in our fard. 

Khushoo' in Other Parts of Your Life, Giving Advice, Stress, Relationships, and Feeding the Soul

Thursday Halaqa Notes

3/7/13
MCA Santa Clara, CA
Sr. Dana Jarrar

This halaqa had a mix of topics: Khushoo' in other parts of your life, Giving advice, Stress & Worry, Relationships, and Feeding the Soul.

Khushoo' in other parts of your life

• Khushoo' is tawadu' lillah: humility towards Allah. Salat needs humility, but also the other parts of our life need humility too.
• We can make ourself humble by accepting everything that Allah decrees for us. 
• In ibadah we need to have khushoo', and in the other areas of our life we need Ikhlas.
• In the book "Al-Ihsan" by Mohammad Hassan, he mentions that one way to get khushoo' is to control your shahawaat- desires. We all have desires. We don't have to eliminate them- no one can do that - but we need to try to control them. 
• We can control our desires by changing our Niyya, intention, before we do it and making du3a and/or thikr while we are doing it. For example if we love shopping, we can say that we are doing this shopping for our family, silat al-rahm. We can also make du3a and thikr while shopping - to keep remembering Allah and being thankful for giving us the ability to go shopping and the money to spend. 
• The other way to turn a desire into something beneficial, is to take this love and ability that you have and use it for a good purpose. For shopping, you could help the schools, or other community project that needs people to do shopping or other things that you are good at.
• For the love of food, we can change our Niyya too. We can say that we are eating this food to be strong to be able to worship Allah. When we exercise we should say that we are trying to lose weight and build muscle to be able to pray qiyam ul layl.
• But the best way to discipline yourself in food, and other desires, is to fast. When you fast, you are developing taqwa - because you know that Allah is watching you.
•  We should train our kids to fast little by little. So that by 12 years old they would be able to open the refrigerator and say no I won't eat. They will realize that Allah is watching them.

Giving Naseeha, Advice

• Giving advise is a part of being humble, having tawadu3, humility. If you see your sister doing something wrong, Islamically, if we don't tell her then we are essentially saying 'let her keep making this mistake so that I can stay better than her' This is arrogance. Or we don't speak up because we are afraid of what people will think about us - our image. Or we don't speak up because we are afraid of ruining the relationship. But these both show that you are caring more about what people think than in helping your sister. 
• We need to train ourselves to accept Naseeha and give Naseeha. We should be like sisters, helping each other towards reaching Allah. We should not be afraid of ruining our image or ruining our relationships. And if that happened, we shouldn't be worried about it because that is their problem. 
• But we need to do it in the right way. We need to make her feel like you are like her and made a similar mistake, and ask her to tell you if you make a mistake too. So when we give naseeha, we should take care to have a good intention, say it in a nice way, choosing the right place and time, and with a humble heart. 
• Remind yourself that she came to advise you because she loves you and wants khair for you. Don't let the shaytan make you upset. 
• One of the causes of depression is 3adam al Ikhlas, a state where you don't think about Allah in what you do - where your whole purpose is to please people. But even if you got praise and attention from everyone from the moment you were born until death, that is not going to help you with pleasing Allah. 

Stress & Worry

• We have to be between hope and fear. Remember that Allah is Ghafooron Raheem, Forgiving and Merciful and Allah is shadeedul 3iqaab, strong in punishment. Use this worry as an opportunity to think deeply about the situation. Check your priorities, and see what you can do more in. We have to check ourselves - what are we doing with the blessings that Allah gave us? Are we using them to take us to Allah? 
• If you did something wrong in the past, ask Allah to forgive you, try to fix it if you can with the people that were affected, and remember that Allah is Ghafooron Raheem. Think about it and see what is the lesson that you can learn from this and try to do better.

Relationships

• Your heart is a treasure, keep it only for Allah. Our relationships with others are getting too deep - to the degree that any small mistake looks huge in your eyes. Your heart has to stay for Allah only. One or the other. Our relationships in this day and age are unfortunately for masaalih, benefits.
• If someone hurt you, remember that Allah is your companion- complain to him, talk to Him. Take a break to think and fix your heart. Then go back and reconcile with her. Make du'a for her. And don't talk about her (or at least don't mention her name).
• These problems between people, sometimes it's because we have too much free time. And because our relationships are materialistic. We need to busy ourselves with good things.

Our Soul, Ruh

• Allah created us with a heart, brain, stomach, and soul and we have to take care of ALL of these.
• When we were growing in our mother's womb, we started with a physical body that was just a lump of flesh. Then Allah put our souls - the Ruh. It was this Ruh that gave the body meaning and made it alive.
• We are spending over 70% of our time on something that is the dead part of us- the body, instead of the Ruh, our soul -which is the alive part of us. 
• We are focusing on our physical body only. What to wear, what to eat, what products to use on our hair and bodies and skin, exercising, dieting, and where to go or what to do for entertainment, etc. But we are forgetting that we also need to take care of our brains, our heart, and our soul.
• BRAIN: The message from the society is - love your body. But if we used our brains to think, all these materialistic things are really just dirt if you think about it. Clothes, food, material objects - all can be crushed to dirt. So we need to use our brains more and think more about what we are spending our time on. But our heart tells us to ignore our brain and not let it ever think. And just like we feed our stomach, we also need to feed our brains with beneficial knowledge.
• HEART: If your heart is not filled with love of Allah, it fills up with love of other things. So we need to check our attachments to other things and our relationships, and change them to be for Allah. Let's try to develop a real love with our spouses, friends, and family - like the love between the Sahaba, where we work together in the path to Allah. And don't think that if Allah gives you something, He loves you, and if He didn't give you what you want then He doesn't love you. Allah gives to us and takes from us or withholds from us - all for our benefit, if you think of the big picture including the Akhirah, hereafter.
• SOUL: this is the most neglected part - the Ruh. We need to take care of our Ruh by worshipping Allah, the One who created this Ruh. Ibadah, worship, builds the Ruh. In our Salat, we have taken out our Ruh - we just go up and down, up and down. We need to put it back in our Salat. 
• May Allah purify our hearts and give us tawadu3 (humility) and Ihsan (perfect faith), and feel the sweetness of faith in our hearts before we die. Ameen.