Making a Change in your Life

Thursday Halaqa Notes

4-25-2013

Sr. Dana Jarrar

MCA Santa Clara, CA

Making a Change in your Life

This was an emotional halaqa for us all… 

• Sometimes we want to do qiyam or go to a halaqa or dress more modestly or make a change in our life for the sake of Allah… but our spouse or family members or friends are getting in the way.
• If you are busy with your children, maybe it is not your time to do this yet. When it’s the right time for this thing, Allah will make it easy for you.
• If it is a sunnah and your husband is not agreeing, obey him – you will get reward for obeying your husband. Because our husband’s rights are fard, obligatory, so they are more important.
•  What you can do is make du’a for your husband and also try to change the friends that you invite and visit– the families that you spend time with. This will slowly change his ideas.

• Take the example of the man who killed 100 people and wanted to repent, make tawba. And remember that Allah said in Surat Al-Nisaa that whoever kills a believer intentionally his punishment is hell and he will earn the hatred of Allah (4:93).
• Abu Sa'id Sa'd b. Malik b. Sinan al-Khudri says that the Prophet (salla Allahu 3laihi wassalam) said: "There was a man among a people before you who committed ninety-nine murders. Then he inquired about the most knowledgeable man on earth and he was led to a monk. He went to him and told him that he had killed ninety-nine people and asked him if it was possible for him to repent. The monk told him: 'NO!' So the man killed him also and completed his hundred. Then he inquired about the most knowledgeable man on earth and was led to a scholar. He went to him and told him that he had killed a hundred people and asked him if there was repentance for him. The man told him, 'Yes. And what can come in between you and repentance?' 'Then he told him, 'Go to such and such a town for in it live people who are devoted to God. Devote yourself there to God in their company and do not come back to your own town for it is an evil place.'
• So the man started towards that town. However, while he was halfway through the journey death overtook him. The angels of 'mercy' and 'punishment' descended and began to argue over him. The angels of mercy said: 'This man had repented and was seeking his Lord, (therefore he is our share),' while the angels of punishment claimed that, 'he had never done a good thing in life,' (so he was their share). While they were thus arguing, another angel arrived in the form of a man. They decided to accept him as their arbitrator. He said: 'Measure the earth between the two towns and let him be assigned to the fate of the one he is nearer to.' The earth was ordered to stretch itself to become closer from this end and farther from the other. So that when they measured they found him nearer to the town he was heading towards. So the angels of mercy took him away."
• One lesson to learn here is that the wise scholar told the murderer to leave his city – to change his environment. He told him to go to a place where he could spend time with people who are devoted to Allah.
•  Another lesson we learn here is that when the murderer made tawba, repented, to Allah, and left his city - Allah stretched the earth to accept his tawba. Everything is in Allah’s hands. It doesn’t matter how many sins you have. Seek advice from knowledgeable people, make tawba to Allah, and take an action for change…

• Another obstacle to change is our own ego: what people think of us. We want everyone to be happy with us and want everyone to like us, and we put people’s opinions of us as very important. We are very sensitive to people’s words and facial features.
• Of course, there are the people that Allah loves – he tells the angels to love them, and the angels tell the people to love them. It’s no problem to be from these people. But it depends on your niyyah (intention) – are you living your life to please others or to please Allah? If you do it to please only Allah, you will get the love of Allah and the love of the people. So it’s very important to fix our intentions in everything we do – we should focus on that - and not on what people think of us.
• Smiling – is your intention so that others will say ‘oh she is smiling’ – or is it to fulfill the hadith “Smiling in your brother’s face is charity.”
•  If someone tells you something that upsets you, and you get depressed, and you say ok I don’t need these people, I don’t need this community – then your niyya is wrong, you were doing it to please the people.
• We need to forgive more – tie it to the Day of Judgment. You will be able to forgive when you remember that you will stand in front of Allah.
• Rasulullah (Salla Allahu 3laihi wassalam) advised us to sit with those who raise you, who lift you, who make you feel happy, and who make you want to do more good deeds.
• If sitting with a certain person brings you down, you need to cut that relationship. If it’s a relative, you can’t cut the relationship, but you can keep it formal.
• And remember - when the Prophet (Salla Allahu 3laihi wassalam) said the message, they talked bad about him. They talked bad about Allah too.
• So before you think about responding, think about this: if you did go to them and try to defend yourself and prove you are good, you will feel so small that you lowered yourself to that. And they might say ‘oh we are not upset with you.’ You will feel so embarrassed.
• When people talk bad about you, remember that Allah is defending you. Allah said in Surat Al-Hajj “Truly, Allah defends those who believe.” (22:38)   { إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُدَافِعُ عَنِ ٱلَّذِينَ آمَنُوۤاْ   }