Divine Dimension in the Family Life

Shaykh Mokhtar Maghraoui

Divine Dimension in the Family Life

2/28/14

MCA Santa Clara, CA

We need to live the divine dimension in our lives. It will affect the way we will interact with the people in our life and how we deal with challenges.

So I begin with reminding myself and you with some essential principles we need to keep in our memories and emotions and try to apply in our home. These are fundamental values that will help us anchor our hearts and minds properly.

• Allah is the Creator of everything. {ٱللَّهُ خَالِقُ كُـلِّ شَيْءٍ } Do you know that? yes. But how often do you and I remember that emotionally all the time. It is not always available in my spiritual awareness all the time. And if it is not then I am going to react in my family life as if I am unsure of that truth.

• Allah is the Wakeel - the one to who’s authority we surrender our affairs. { وَهُوَ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ وَكِيلٌ } The attorney you choose for yourself. Allah is the Wakeel of everything. Hasbi Allah wa ni3mal wakeel - means Allah suffices for us and is the most excellent authority - in difficulties and in ease. Am I aware of that? man yatawakkal 3la Allah fahuwa hasbuh { حَيْثُ لاَ يَحْتَسِبُ وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُ }- The one who relies on Allah, Allah will suffice him. 

• Whatever befalls you of hardships, on earth or in yourselves, it has already been written in a record before the beginning of time (Ma asaba min museebatin fil ardi wa la fi anfusikum illa fe kitabin min qabli an nabra’aha). { مَآ أَصَابَ مِن مُّصِيبَةٍ فِي ٱلأَرْضِ وَلاَ فِيۤ أَنفُسِكُمْ إِلاَّ فِي كِتَٰبٍ مِّن قَبْلِ أَن نَّبْرَأَهَآ إِنَّ ذَٰلِكَ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ يَسِيرٌ }This is a belief that others do not have. So the way they shall act and react to challenges will be different than a person who anchors their mind, heart, and emotions in this belief. I need to remind myself of that. Remind ourselves that the issues that challenge us as a family - and if we anchored our heart and mind in these values, then our interactions will be superior. 

• To Allah shall everything return (Ilayna turja’oon). { ثُمَّ إِلَيْنَا تُرْجَعُونَ }We need to internalize this meaning and always try to remember it.

• Every soul shall taste death, and verily you will be shown your account on the day of resurrection (kullu nafsin da’iqatul mawt). { كُلُّ نَفْسٍ ذَآئِقَةُ ٱلْمَوْتِ } All of us will die. Look at history, everybody has to go. If you are young, look at the old, and if you are old, see how the young died. And don’t think that any challenges in your life and your reactions to them - that anything goes un-accounted for. This brings a certain quality to our interactions in our lives at home. 

• Verily Allah has always been watchful over you (Inna Allaha kana ‘alaykum raqeeba). { إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلَيْكُمْ رَقِيباً  } Whatever I go, whatever I do, with my wife, with my children, family, in work, in public, in private, what I are hiding - all of that Allah is aware of. Everything has consequences. Even when I harbor feelings that nobody knows, that releases energy into universe. All of the hearts are between 2 fingers of Allah. Like that, it is very easy for Allah to know what it is in all our hearts.

• What Allah wills, will be (Ma sha’ Allahu kan wa man lam yasha’ lam yakun). {ما شاء الله كان و ما لم يشأ لم يكن } This is a hadith from the Prophet (Salla Allahu ‘alaihi wassalam) “Whatever Allah willed to be shall be and whatever Allah did not will to be shall not be.” What He does not will, will never be. Willing it to be does not mean He loves it to be. When Allah says He wants you to perform Salat, that Allah loves. But when you kill someone, it is in the will of Allah  - the freedom of what you chose, Allah willed it in His creative will, but that does not mean He loves it. 

• Who has faith in Allah, Allah guides their heart (Wa man yu’min billahi yahdi qalbahu). { وَمَن يُؤْمِن بِٱللَّهِ يَهْدِ قَلْبَهُ  }If you have anchored your heart towards Allah, and strive to remain there, continuously aware in your heart that Allah is aware of what you are, then Allah will guide your heart in the midst of darkness, in the midst of challenges and difficulties - family, work, social. Wouldn’t we wish to clearly navigate these challenges in our lives? 

• Indeed by the remembrance (thikr) of Allah, there is serenity in the hearts (Ala bithikrillahi tatma’inul quloob).                     { أَلاَ بِذِكْرِ ٱللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ ٱلْقُلُوبُ  }When you’re not in that state (haal) of serenity, your decisions are mediocre. But when you are in serenity, you feel peaceful. You will be able to respond and make decisions peacefully. A family home where there is no thikr of Allah, is a home subjected to difficulties and pain of different levels and kinds. And the inability to cope with them. The Prophet (Salla Allahu ‘alaihi wassalam) said - the example of a home where Allah is remembered (thikr there) and home where no thikr is like the example of the living and the dead. Dead morally. Disconnected from the divine - the source of peace. So there is agitation and anger at home, hardships, lack of wisdom. Because we live in a home where there is no thikr of Allah. Rasulullah is the doctor of hearts- tabeel al quloob. Allah gave him that knowledge of the human psyche, we should learn that from him.  

• Ask of me, I shall answer you (Wa qaala rabbukum id’uni astajeb lakum). { وَقَالَ رَبُّكُـمُ ٱدْعُونِيۤ أَسْتَجِبْ لَكُمْ }How often do you and I turn to Allah in sincere du’a? How often do I feel delight in a moment alone in du’a with Allah. Often times after salat we are in a hurry to do something. This component of thikr and humility in du’a is relegated to other things. How often have we tried to resolve our challenges at home through sincere du’a?

• Persevere in patience and prayer (Ista3eenu bil sabri wasalat). { ٱسْتَعِينُواْ بِٱلصَّبْرِ وَٱلصَّلٰوةِ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ مَعَ ٱلصَّابِرِينَ } Sometimes you try to change someone and you find that you can’t -  Allah is teaching you that the One who changes people is Allah. As you make efforts, don’t rely on your efforts. Patiently persevere. When you do something don’t demand results immediately. When we take medicine, it doesn’t work immediately, it takes some time. So within that time, be patient. Don’t demand it to be according to your schedule, He has His own. Salat - need to have a quality salat and not be in a hurry to leave salat. You are in a hurry to go somewhere else? Where? When we are in salat, we are in an audience with the Divine. “ila ayna ya ‘abdi, ila khayran minneee? - Where are you going? To something better than Me?” Allah will say this to us when we turn from Him in our salat. 

• Those who have taqwa, Allah shall provide for them a way out always (wa man yattaqil Allaha yaj’allahu makhraja).          { وَمَن يَتَّقِ ٱللَّهَ يَجْعَل لَّهُ مَخْرَجاً }  Sins have consequences in our lives - not just in the hereafter, but in this life. They affect the degree of security, your problems at home, restlessness - because the person hasn’t repented or was not sincere in their repentance. Many of these sins get reflected in our lives. Allah says those who turn away from remembering Allah (thikr) will commit sins. Both internal sins - the things we entertain in our hearts that Allah does not love, pride, etc. and external sins - the way we use our tongue, eyes, ears, sexual drive, etc. - their living will be filled with psychological tribulation. There are people who look like they have everything but from the inside they are going through a lot of turmoil. The humiliation of sin is in their hearts. Outside they look pompous but inside they are low. It makes family life imbalanced. Because our sins can be seen in the behavior of our spouse, children, etc. Sometimes we look for solutions by screaming and forcing others to do things - when the problem is really us. Many of us are so hard hearted we don’t even notice we have sinned. We are not aware of our spiritual faults either. And in family life, that has repercussions. 

• Those who do righteousness with sincerity, male or female, while Mu’min, Allah will grant them a life that is pure and beautiful (Man ‘amala salihan min thakarin aw untha wahuwa mu’minun falanuhye-annahu hayatan tayyiban wa lanajziyannahum ajrahum bi ahsani ma kaanu ya’maloon).   { مَنْ عَمِلَ صَالِحاً مِّن ذَكَرٍ أَوْ أُنْثَىٰ وَهُوَ مُؤْمِنٌ فَلَنُحْيِيَنَّهُ حَيَاةً طَيِّبَةً وَلَنَجْزِيَنَّهُمْ أَجْرَهُم بِأَحْسَنِ مَا كَانُواْ يَعْمَلُونَ } 

• Those who have eman and act in righteousness Allah will provide them with pure love (Innalatheena amaanu wa ‘amilu saalihaati sayaj’alu lahumul Rahmanu wudda).                    { إِنَّ ٱلَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ وَعَمِلُواْ ٱلصَّالِحَاتِ سَيَجْعَلُ لَهُمُ ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنُ وُدّاً  }Allah will put Merciful love and kindness in their family life. This ayah is the ending for Surat Maryam. The special love He bestowed upon her, and the special love that everyone has for her. She was one of the happiest creatures on the earth and the most special woman. Allah made for her wud (love). Allah will do the same for you if you try to live like her. When she was in trouble, she looked for whom? Allah. When she was hungry she looked for whom? Allah. We need to cleanse our hearts so that we can act and react in the right way with our families. We need to tie our hearts with different ropes to Allah. 

• Indeed the successful will be the one who cleanses their heart (Qad aflaha man zakkaaha). { قَدْ أَفْلَحَ مَن زَكَّاهَا } A clean heart will be able to connect with Allah. I should have the attitude of one who says - I do not absolve myself of ignorance, oppression, or weakness. I should be an attorney against my nafs (the desires of our soul). Say no, be quiet and turn to Allah. If we cleanse our nafs from ego and arrogance- then we would be able to react correctly. We would be wise and intelligent. The easiest way to solve your problems is to think - maybe I am the cause of the problem. What did I do to cause this? If the heart is always irritated with the struggles of life, it will not be able to see clearly. We need moments alone in du’a and thikr- we need to do that. We are not only losing ourself, but also our family life. You can't distribute peace to others if you don't have it yourself. So I need to do that, it makes a lot of difference. Shaytan makes you believe that salat and thikr after salat will take sooo much time. When really it's just 5 minutes. Because he doesn’t want us to start and continue. He makes you feel like you are in a hurry. He tries to remind us of something we have to do. We must go against that drive and ask Allah to help us. No one can get to Allah without Allah. When we don't take care of our hearts- we will feel an emptiness inside us. Then when there are pressures from the outside, the heart will collapse. This will cause us to implode- and cause depression and other problems. 

I admonish myself and you, dear brothers and sisters, of the divine dimension of our hearts, and I ask Allah to help us anchor these values in our hearts, minds, and emotions. And I ask Allah to give us His love, the love of those who love Him, and the love of doing the things that Allah loves.